chud

So what is a chud? A chud is a fella who peaked at nothing, touches zero grass, and calls the crease in his couch cushion his home office. A chud does not rise, a chud loads in. He wakes up already tired, salutes the ceiling fan, and considers standing up his cardio for the week. Take our boy here. Monday he planned to look for a job, but the mattress made a compelling counteroffer. Tuesday he almost went outside, saw a bird, got intimidated, and retreated. Wednesday he microwaved a burrito, forgot about it, then ate it cold nine hours later like a raccoon with a dream. Thursday he tried to do a pushup, got halfway down, and simply lived there for a while. His one accomplishment this year was beating his own high score in staring at the wall. The delivery driver knows him by name, by smell, and by the exact spot he stands so he don't have to walk far. That, my friends, is a chud. Not lazy, just fully optimized for doing absolutely nothing.